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[Thursday
February 13th, 2020
10:57am] |
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[Monday
September 29th, 2008
4:20pm] |
With Eid around the corner, I guess it’s a typical entry to wish well for those celebrating the upcoming Lebaran. Nope. Not me, not here. Some other time and some other place. What have you put on the line for something that you want so much? What are you willing to forgo to achieve your dreams and flying further away from the constraints of today? I’ve been trying to picture myself being more that what I see myself as now. I can see the picture though its flashes of light and blur vision of colour swirling together. Just what do I have to do to make my dreams a reality, to be able to see the picture in pixel clarity? Even I don’t have the answers to everything. But for sure, life is more that just planning for marriage, kids and all that jazz. Intoxicating as it might be, I want to do this for myself more than anyone else. As selfish as my reasons to succeed may be, I feel that if I can fulfill my dreams, then I can chase a dream with someone else. Build new visions together and work towards a common goal while retaining our individuality. I guess I still have not found that yet. I’m still young and I’m willing to sacrifice my youth to attain something that I can call my own, an experience that no one else can take from me. After that, who knows what else I find worthwhile for my time and my age.
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[Wednesday
July 23rd, 2008
9:35pm] |
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WOW! And that is all I have to say for the kind of neglect I left this domain in. Instead of being able to vocalize my thoughts, I became the quiet observer of my surroundings. Quite the opposite of what I usually do, true to my controversial nature. It’s coming to a year that I have been caught up with my job. And I hope that being thrown in the deep end of many pools, I would have a matured (a bit, at least). However, who am I to judge myself? That’s only up to the people I come into contact with. Ain’t it? And I guess like many, there will be will some who neglect to see that they are the exact of what they despise. Insya Allah, I won’t turn out that way too. We see and hear things that make us feel so distant from God or our religion. It suddenly shakes our contentment that we feel towards our attitudes and actions that guide us to His way. I thank Allah for friends and family who don’t mince words. Since I promised a lengthy entry to someone, let’s just cover briefly the topic of hypocrisy. I just don’t get why certain girls are dissing others of when they are guilty of the exact same crime, the crime of not getting over the secondary school phase. Well, my readers and I can attest to your ‘popularity’ way back then. But this story is getting stale, don’t you think? And why throw vulgarity at someone when it was that very person’s life you were snooping into? God help us all for those like you. Ahh.. Its been too long, dear blog that I was able to relieve such curiosity. I don’t think I’m being judgemental. It’s purely a question, which I feel I deserve to ask, since my absence. Reflecting is a good way to go. And yes, I need to improve my English. Miss Fernandez would cringe at the way I speak and write my reports. I bet she can’t fight the urge to scribble red notes all over my horrendous use of language. How was that for a homecoming post? For those who don’t know me will label me a ‘mulut laser’. ME:) ?
PS: I'm not one of those who post cryptic entries. Waste my time logging into slowpoke livejournal jus for that. BAH!
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[Tuesday
April 15th, 2008
3:06pm] |
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In a moment of weakness, I took cough mixture after lunch to stop myself from coughing up phlegm. And now, I’m practically prying my eyes open just to get through the afternoon. I was rushing through a lot of work in the morning especially with Loco coming, this Friday. I’m going crazy and I’m sure there will be more things to attend to on the day itself. Let’s just hope the WelCo members will live to tell the tale of our first event! Daddy called to ask if I wanted my Solomon trekking shoes. No need to ask, just bring me the good stuff. But they ran out of red. Somehow, I miss those days that I could somehow swindle my dad to get me something just by simply asking. Now that I’m working, he’s doing it to me. It sure doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end. BAH! Can’t wait to welcome this weekend, YAY!! Mostly since I have lots of planning to do with the new business idea. I won’t mention it here, case I jinx it. Uncle’s willing to help up with our contacts overseas. Just need to write a proposal and see what we need to iron out before proceeding with the fun bits. Huda, this Wednesday is your treat. So we should slack somewhere nice and have ice cream as well otay?? 50 more minutes till my next meeting.
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[Wednesday
April 2nd, 2008
10:53am] |
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Whoever though it was funny to elect me as a member of the Welfare Committee has bad sense of humour. On top of all the ad-hoc events, I have to put aside time for more meetings and planning of more events. Way to go, Ace! Yesterday was a last minute meeting with Huda, called her wile I was heading back. Lucky me, that lady had no plans. Stuffed ourselves silly with oily snacks before getting banana split w/o the banana. My treat. Contrary to people’s belief, I’m not going through a phase or facing any problems. Referring to my previous entry, I was just retaliating to the attitudes and treatment that I have been getting. If you are the person I was referring to, well, boohoo. A good long talk with Huda got my mind working again. Intellectual conversations brought me back to my better self again. I guess a different perspective is what I need to make sense of the whole situation. And yes Huda, I love my BF, I’m damn PROUD of him and I’m lucky to have him. But I’d like to believe that he’s luckier to have me (: I need a break from city life. Honestly. I need a good pampering massage, my girls, a lot of fresh good gossip, tonnes to Korean and Japanese dramas and also a huge bed and thick comforter. Anyone game? You know what I’m thinking babe…
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[Monday
March 31st, 2008
11:23am] |
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Dear Elle Jay, With all the drama and saga that has been playing before me, I chose to be upset and ride on the whole thing. Now, I’m fighting for every breath. Asthma is such a pain, since I feel like a fat bitch is sitting on my chest, constricting my breathing. Other than that, I hope to tell everyone who thinks they’re responsible for my state right now; I’m slowly picking up the shattered pieces of YOUR bloody action. So congratulations for making my life as much as a mess as yours. I’m slowly mending my relationship that has been compromised by some reckless actions that are not mine. Every single time I try to clear up or clean up, I keep asking myself when I have to stop taking responsibilities of actions that are not mine, and when will people stop to think of their own actions. Fancy thinking themselves as adults and being responsible and independent and whatnots. Please don’t make me laugh, because I can’t. I’ll laugh so hard in my condition right now and I may end up dead. For those who don’t know me will think I’m one hell of a cynical bitch. Well, I don’t give a shit what people think anymore. Since all they do is label me without even knowing. One more thing, please for the love of god spare the speech about always putting others needs before your own happiness. I’m tired of hearing the Girl Guide motto over and over again while it has not been put into actions. Funny thing, humans are supposed to be the best of god’s creations. Why don’t we all start acting like it. P/S: For those who have shown concern over my rampant pissed moods, thank you. I have yet to get it fully out of my system before it poison my mind and the trust I have for those remaining few who I still hold dear. I’ll be fine. Don’t I always end up ok? That’s just the reason why assholes keep hurting me in the first place. Love, Nadiah K.
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[Thursday
March 27th, 2008
5:00pm] |
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And just who are we kidding right? Every time I have the urge to blog about what I went through, I feel disheartened and down right upset. I know humans are prone to err but where can we draw the line to distinguish those who are just malicious deep down inside. Then there are some who do not hesitate to sacrifice friendship to save their ass. Another case is when private conversations between girlfriends are repeated to someone whom I don’t care to even talk to. What-The-Hell cases of so-called-friends caught in action. I have not confronted any of them. Why should I? They are so pretentious and good at making themselves look all innocent, I’ll just get painted in a bad light. Again. This is more of the case that I have given up, can’t be bothered at all and wish that people grow up from the kindergarten mode. I just wish that people make a conscious effort to think before they act, like repeating a private conversation or views that I only express with my close ones. Most of the time, you are not as deeply impacted by your actions as those surrounding you. I have lost faith in friends. I seriously do. That’s why I’m taking the back seat in a foolish game called friendship.
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[Wednesday
February 13th, 2008
11:08am] |
I've been soo crazy this past week. I was down and I watched Water Boys Movie, Water Boys 1 and Water Boys 2. Currently, I'm watching Water Boys 3. I remeber staying up late on Sunday nights in Sec 4 to watch Water Boys 1. God! Takayuki Yamada is awesomely hot, even if he is a wee bit short. Then there's Hayato Ichihara. Another hot guy. I was crying yesterday while watchn Water Boys 2. I was damn mad that Eikichan didn't say anything of his feelings to Shiori. And he left the freaking town. What kind of ending was that? I hate sad endings. *Sniff sniff*
Niji (Rainbow) - Masaharu Fukuyama
When you listen to a desired song,
you'll feed your words.
If something is not special
it won't be difficult either
If only the map expands,
If only the wind is waiting, that won't be an answer.
I'm going now...
to the other side of my image, to beyond myself,
and so fly away.
You and only you gave me a lesson;
never let my aspiration fade.
Therefore don't leave.
Instead of the good-bye you gave me,
I gave you this courage.
If I'm only beaten by the rain,
instead of feeling doubt, I'll be waiting for the rainbow.
I'm going now...
to the other side of my image, to beyond myself,
and so fly away.
I'll outstrip a windy day,
I'll obtain a rainbow.
I wonder if you laugh,
I wonder if I'll meet you again.
If only the map expands,
If only the wind is waiting, that won't be an answer.
I'm going now...
to the other side of my image, to beyond myself.
If I'm only beaten by the rain,
instead of feeling doubt, I'll be waiting for the rainbow.
I'm going now...
to the other side of my image, to your sky,to my rainbow, and so fly away.
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[Monday
February 4th, 2008
2:52pm] |
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I'm so bored that I doodled mini patricks all over my notebook.
Girls, take me out and make me normal again. Pls.
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[Wednesday
January 30th, 2008
3:59pm] |
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I
I was perfectly fine being me
Then suddenly
I couldn't find me
I stared at alien hands
And touched a different face
I panicked to find that
I couldn't find me
I tore and scratched and dug and clawed
Deeper and harder, faster too
I couldn't afford to stop, because
I couldn't find me
All of a sudden, there I was
Plain as day for all to see
I was free!
But then imagine how broken I felt to see
A mess of blood and heap of torn flesh
Lying on the floor,
Remnants of what I used to be
-ndiahk-
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[Tuesday
January 29th, 2008
5:17pm] |
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Today sucked balls.
It got sooo bad at work today that I had to rush of to the toilet so no one will notice the tears and snot running down my face.
But you want to know what hurts the most?
(a) The fact that the person I thought who would notice and comfort me didn't have a fucking clue.
(b) The mere idea that the person didn't even probe further even though knowing that something went wrong
(c) The though that I feel so much like shit at this point of time I want to go to sleep and not wake up
(d) And the fact that I can't believe you didn't even ask what's the fucking deal with me being upset.
Bottomline is you don't give a flying care do you? As long as I'm here to make you feel better about yourself, that I have been and will always be around for you when you feel like a freaking nobody. Well FUCK YOU, you asshole. I'm tired of acting like a fucking woman and having to swallow my hurt and plight. I'm feeling fucking volatile and vulgar. So don't you come near me. And I mean every single one of you....
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[Friday
January 25th, 2008
11:22pm] |
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[Monday
January 14th, 2008
3:29pm] |
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I just completed watching ANTM Cycle 10 and now I'm so fecking bored I could just pass out right here.
My uncle just added me on Facebook and it got me cracking up. Imagine a 40 year old having a Facebook account and trying to embarrass me to death. I have no doubt that uncle's like mine was out on earth for a bigger purpose. To eternally punish people like me. HAH! I have a crazy uncle. Tsk tsk tsk.
I was just wondering, what do girls find so endearing about their boyfriends?
I look at mine and I feel a tugging at my heartstrings when he's doing the silliest things. When he unexpectedly message me or when he's sleeping with the ugliest expression EVER! I just seem to help it. Things that are damn gross can make me want to cry and hug him close. Even if he tries to crack the same joke i did a few dys back, and it falls flat, i find it more amusing than anything. This may be insanity talking but there maybe an explanation for this. Yet for a person whose has a strong hand at language. I have not been able to come close to describing this malady.
So girls, what is it that makes you crazy about the craziest person in your life?
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[Friday
January 11th, 2008
10:17am] |
This Monday will be my4th month of service. Not too bad but i figure time really flies when you are working, never realising it since its a routine. Week in, week out. I honestly can't wait for Step Up 2 to come out and waiting patiently to watch American Gangster.
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[Thursday
January 10th, 2008
10:25am] |
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[Wednesday
January 9th, 2008
9:35am] |
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While I was planning to spend my Saturday celebrating our anniversary, my mom asked me to accompany my brother to the poly open houses.
I remembered being so gung-ho about open house, being deeply involved as CMM guides and our TPSC booth. I can recall those kick ass time when we were all so eager to 'jaga' the booths since we get to all congregate at one place and have some fun.
It seems inevitable that I have to wake up early on a Saturday and drag my brother to SP and TP. See all that we can for the engineering courses and also I want him to see the CCAs that are available. He's so lazy to get involved, I wonder how he survives in NPCC.
If he eventually lands in climbing, I'll prolly pass him my harness and climbing gear. IF. PROLLY. HAHAHA.
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[Tuesday
January 8th, 2008
12:30pm] |
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[Friday
December 28th, 2007
4:05pm] |
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I’m kind of burning low on fuel. I’m looking out of the window and I wish I can be outside, rather than stuck in front of the computer. Today is nice and peaceful. I suppose Mr. Red will be paying me a visit soon. I can just feel it. I doubt I’m making sense.
My nails are getting long. I put the phone on silent mode. Unruly hair just gets to me, especially of its mine. But most of all, I think I’ve had enough of this!
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[Monday
December 24th, 2007
12:27pm] |
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Long weekends are so my thing. Till I actually slept thru 3 alarms and end up waking up late. Slept like a pig since I slept at around 1 yesterday. We went to Courts and Ikea till closing time and I swear I had to drag my mom out since she was still looking for stuff even though we were queuing at the cashier. Last Saturday, we went out and watched National Treasure which was not THAT good. Seriously, most of the scenarios Nicholas Cage was in were so far-fetched. Only kids will buy that sort of stuff. Well we went and got my Shiseido products which amounted to a BOMB! He though so too since he still don’t understand why I have to flash away that money. I believe in investment for my skin is worthwhile in the end. Actually, I don’t see him complaining once he’s the envy of guys when his girlfriend looks pretty. That aside, I put aside quite a sum for school this month. Hopefully, I get into university next year. I’m banging on that. Oh oh oh! Did you know that PSP Slim in blood red is out. SEXY THING! Come to momma! 38 days till someone turns 21 and I’m thinking of something special to get him..! I think I shall take the day off and spend it with him.
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[Wednesday
December 19th, 2007
9:55am] |
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Excuse me for my verbal tirade in the last entry. I was just feeling angst-y and pissed off at the world in general. *Rolls eyes* Fine, so I was just mighty pissed of at some individuals specifically. Urgh.! Anyway, Saturday was my cousin’s wedding. I didn’t need to do a lot. Just helped packed food and tried not to get oil on me. But even then, I was knocked out cold when we got home. I had to get up early the next day for his sister’s engagement. And of course I was late, because my sister was taking her own sweet time putting on my make up. I’m hopeless with those things, so I’d rather not mess my face up and risk looking like a drag queen. I spent the whole afternoon there, helping wherever necessary. I was bloody stressed up at first but his cousins and siblings were okay. I only met his parents once before that that was on Hari Raya 2 years ago. Even then, I was hiding by the couch while the climbers were making fun of me. Pictures will be up once I’ve stopped being such a lazy ass and switch the computer at home and transfer the pictures from my phone. I’ll need to wait for him to pass me the pictures, so that means more procrastination. NYEHEHE! I got a call from him yesterday and was wondering why. Apparently, he received a summon from the Traffic Police for jaywalking. Not 21 and he already has a summon to his name! Cabbed to Central Shopping Mall and we had LJS and followed by Fried Mars Bars by the riverside. We just sat there and talked. Actually, I did most of the talking since I had a lot to get off my chest. When I asked him if he loved me, he pretended to be furious. Me: B, do you love me? Him: You mean I rushed all the way here, to pick you up and have lunch, got a summon and you still have ask? ---- Me: B, do you really love me? Him: Yes bb.. Me: How do I know if that’s true. Him: I’ll give you the summon just to prove it. HAHAHAHA.
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